Top 8 Out of Office Replies

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from holiday on April 4th. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately . . . 19 weeks.

7. I've run away to join a different circus.

8. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Margaret' instead of 'Steve'.

Top 10 Ways to Get a Technorati Top 100 Blogger to Link to Your Blog or Website

1. Write almost anything that has to do with David Allen’s Getting Things Done, and send it to any Technorati Top 100 blogger who is a GTD fanatic.

2. Take a photo of yourself wearing a rubber nose and send it to any Technorati Top 100 blogger who likes that kind of thing.

3. Write a post suggesting that reading the blog of a particular Technorati Top 100 blogger may cure erectile dysfunction. Be sure to create a cool, funny graphic to go with it.

4. Create some cool, ingenius gadget hack, and send it to any Technorati Top 100 blogger who loves to write about cool, ingenius gadget hacks.

5. Launch a cool, new Web 2.0 company or application and have it reviewed by any Technorati Top 100 blogger who reviews cool, new Web 2.0 companies and applications.

6. Pick your favorite Technorati Top 100 blogger, and start stalking him (or her). Just make sure you get that all-important link before they lock you up and throw away the key.

7. Write anything that makes life easier for iPod users, and send it to any Technorati Top 100 blogger who likes to publish stuff that makes life easier for iPod users.

Read the rest here!

Top 10 Ways to Steal a Car (and how to defend against them)

Bump against the car to check for a car alarm. Since it seems like everything from a loud Harley to a rumbling garbage truck can set off a car alarm, people have been conditioned to tune them out. Instead of a motion-sensitive car alarm, use one that has a pager that will notify you as soon as your alarm is activated.

Break the window or jimmy the lock to gain entry into a locked car. Don't tempt car thieves. Keep valuables out of plain sight. Take them with you or store them in the trunk. Also, if you have a stereo with a removable face plate, take it with you instead of tucking it away in the glovebox.

Cut the steering wheel itself if there's a steering wheel lock. Instead of locking just your steering wheel, "lock" your car's ability to go by using a starter disable switch and putting it in a place where only you can get to it.

Look for exposed wiring that can be cut or for the central unit of the car alarm to deactivate it. Instead of going to a big retail chain store, have your car alarm installed by a professional car alarm installer, preferably a reasonably shady one. Unlike retail chain employees, these experts know what it takes to make your car elusive to crooks.

Look for car alarm decals to figure out which method to use to eliminate the alarm. Never display stickers that advertise what sort of car alarm you have, or audio system for that matter. Consider using a hood lock cable so the thief can't get to your battery or car alarm mechanism.

Jump into an unattended running car while the owner is at the ATM, dropping off videos, etc. Never leave your keys in the ignition even for a quick errand. Car theft is a crime of opportunity, so don't make it easy for them to grab yours.

Read the rest here!

Top 10 Aphrodisiacs

#6 - Oysters

Many foods (bananas, asparagus, carrots, avocados) are considered aphrodisiacs because they resemble the penis or testicles. Oysters resemble a vagina. The Romans placed the oyster high on their list of prized aphrodisiacs. Casanova, the legend goes, would eat 50 raw oysters for breakfast. Yet interestingly, oysters (and pine nuts, another ancient aphrodisiac) are high in zinc, which is necessary for sperm production. Raw oysters are also high in D-aspartic acid and N-methyl-D-aspartate, which increased testosterone levels in one study on male rats, which could in theory increase libido, according to Karen Boyle of Johns Hopkins Hospital. "The data is questionable and mixed, but oysters do make a nice appetizer," she said.

Top 10 Wildest Weather Events in the Galaxy

#7 - Scarlet Rain

In the summer of 2001, at least 50 tons of red particles fell over Kerala, India, continuing as scattered rain for nearly two months. Theories as to the source of the scarlet showers include rusty particles from a dust storm and biological cells of an extraterrestrial origin. In the April issue of the journal Astrophysics and Space Science, scientists from Mahatma Gandhi University reported that the particles have the appearance of biological cells, can reproduce at sizzling temperatures, and have no similarity to dust particles.

Top 10 Ways to Destroy Earth

#7 - Blown up by Matter/Anti-matter reaction

You will need: 2,500,000,000,000 tons of antimatter

Antimatter - the most explosive substance possible - can be manufactured in small quantities using any large particle accelerator, but this will take some considerable time to produce the required amounts. If you can create the appropriate machinery, it may be possible - and much easier - simply to "flip" 2.5 trillion tons of matter through a fourth dimension, turning it all to antimatter at once.

Method: This method involves detonating a bomb so big that it blasts the Earth to pieces.

How hard is that?

The gravitational binding energy of a planet of mass M and radius R is - if you do the lengthy calculations - given by the formula E=(3/5)GM^2/R. For Earth, that works out to roughly 224,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Joules. The Sun takes nearly a WEEK to output that much energy. Think about THAT.

To liberate that much energy requires the complete annihilation of around 2,500,000,000,000 tonnes of antimatter. That's assuming zero energy loss to heat and radiation, which is unlikely to be the case in reality: You'll probably need to up the dose by at least a factor of ten. Once you've generated your antimatter, probably in space, just launch it en masse towards Earth. The resulting release of energy (obeying Einstein's famous mass-energy equation, E=mc^2) should be sufficient to split the Earth into a thousand pieces.

Earth's final resting place: A second asteroid belt around the Sun.

Earliest feasible completion date: AD 2500. Of course, if it does prove possible to manufacture antimatter in the sufficiently large quantities you require - which is not necessarily the case - then smaller antimatter bombs will be around long before then.